While it is a matter of great pride to be an investment banker's wife or for that matter a savvy corporate lawyer's husband, deep down men and women still have inhibitions about each other's career choices, and would rather give anything for some quality time at home with each other.
With blurring gender divide, women are making a success of high-flying corporate jobs that involve living out of a suitcase while making way for men to explore the finer nuances of culinary art by way of a sous chef's job at a Star hotel. From waiting tables at a restaurant, assisting in a portrait photo shoot, to piercing people's eyebrows, jobs are getting as vivid and imaginative as they come, and are no longer limited to pursuing engineering or medicine to find a standing in the society. Under the facade of this happy acceptance have we really moved beyond professional stereotypes; is a woman as proud if her husband mixes drinks at a bar, or a man compassionate towards his working-late-hours-in-office wife.
For Nishit Mangal, a manager with a UK-based travel company, it is critical that his partner has it easy at work and returns at day's end to look after their home. "A teaching job would be best suited for my spouse as she can have some time off with the family. While this doesn't go on to imply that a woman with a powerful white collar job is not respectable, just that she'd be too busy for her own good."
Like a busy woman, a very busy man at work too can cause relationships to fall apart. For instance, Anisha Singh, pursuing her Masters, winces at the mention of men from a Merchant Navy background. "Anything but Merchant Navy for me because my father comes from that background and I have experienced a sense of bewilderment that comes with getting to see him after long intervals," she rues. Anisha, however, doesn't attach a prestige-factor to her partner's job. Says she, "He could be doing any job, so long as the two of us are making a decent living, it doesn't really matter."
Shedding more light on this socio-cultural-economic thought process, senior clinical psychologist and marital therapist, Dr Bhavna Barmi says, "Men stress on respect-worthy jobs for their women, and women by the same token crave for a pride-worthy job for men. Today, family and work lives are so closely intertwined that if one partner is too passionate about his job it can bring about a sense of displacement in the other. And if it turns out to be the woman that does a high profile job and contributes more financially, the man is bound to feel threatened."
Perhaps it is true at some point that your job and your partner's attraction to you are interrelated. There are men like Francis Hughes, a marketing professional with an MNC, who think woman with an interesting job is a plus and not an essential for attraction. "It is enough that she is passionate about her job. The worst would be to date or marry someone who hates her work as she'll carry that grumpiness back home, making it difficult for any companionship to bloom," he avers.
Dr Kamal Khurana, marriage and relationship expert, attributes this difference in outlook towards each other's professional commitments to man's organic role as the provider and woman's as the upholder. "Deep within women still prefer men who would provide for her, protect her, and by virtue of which earn a higher salary than she does. Men too continue to be deeply conventional in their ideas by expecting women to still look after the house, his kids, even if she goes out to do a job like him," says he.
Then how about making the differences work? Explains Dr Khurana, "Both should have the right self-esteem, and live together like paying guests to run the house. The 'unisex mindset' should extend to finances as well, and if you can't rationalise your expectations, you are your partner's gravest enemy."
A job is never dreadful or embarrassing; the key lies in owning yourself, your people, and subsequently, your situation.
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