Why angry all the time?

If the daily frustrations are getting the better of you, here are a few tips to rein in your anger before you come to blows

Whichever side you are on after the Shah Rukh Khan-Shirish Kunder debacle, it's not acceptable to let your anger lead to violence. Anger by itself is a natural and instinctive emotion, but how you deal with it is a whole different ball game. Just so you don't produce the next face-buster, psychologist Harish Shetty gives you tips to rein in that outburst.


Anger basics
Harish Shetty says, "Anger is like food, it decays on delay and it can fester into resentment, hostility, hate and revenge. Now all this can happen in a few seconds, hours or years." It is important to recognise where the fury against your transgressor arises from.

It is important not to get emotionally hijacked. Anger is a primeval impulse which does not go through the rational part of the brain, which is the cerebral cortex. Instead the action flows through the area of the brain that controls our natural instincts.


Trigger-happy
It is a protective emotion that developed while we were still dancing around fires in caves, and occasionally painting. But as our brains developed so did the reasons that make us feel angry. Here are the most common triggers according to Dr Shetty:

Insecurity - How will people judge me after a failed film or I'm not the best in the industry any more - feelings like this can lead to anger.

Sadness - Being sad is nothing but anger turned inwards. The emotions are two sides of the same coin. And being sad can often lead to a person venting it out as anger on another person.


Alcohol- Indians always misplace anger and this gets worse when you are drunk. Thoughts get distorted and you don't realise what you are saying, and often not even remember it.

The enemy within
The first step towards anger management is self awareness. This doesn't mean that you move to the Himalayas and seek enlightenment. It's just about being a little more observant. You need to recognise thought, behaviour, feelings and sensations that are related to anger. These signals could be as simple as knots in your stomach (sensation), or a feeling of betrayal, or being abusive (behaviour) and wondering all the nasty things that could happen to your adversary (thought).

MBA in anger
Once you recognise these signals, the next step is to manage them. Dr Shetty says, "As I've mentioned earlier, anger is natural, but the way you express it is what matters." When you get angry, immediately start alterative relaxation methods.

• From deep breathing, to counting to 10, these are the most common relaxation methods in social situations.
• At home, surprisingly, a shower can work volumes.
• Just getting out of the house to avoid a confrontation which might end up in dire consequences does not work. Head out and jog. Running helps push happy chemicals instead of the emotion that is clouding your thought process. Working out helps too.
• The best trick of them all is to sip water slowly. This helps your breathing get back to normal, which in turn helps things out.
• Black humour is a great way to let off steam as well. When you laugh and vent about someone or some incident, you don't let the emotion fester for long enough for it to become dangerous.
• Everyone has a safe place. Whether it is their wife or school friends that have been together for decades. A safe place is where you can talk about anything you want to without the fear of being judged. This could be over a phone or you could meet with friends. The sooner you discuss the emotion the better.

Basically what you are doing is shifting focus. When you are angry, your body shifts into the autonomic nervous system gear which controls all your instinctive responses like pupils dilating to heart beating. Heart starts beating faster, things around you start dissolving until all you can concentrate on is the emotion. By this distraction, you help your brain function from the conscious somatic nervous system.

Implusiveness and anger
Being short-tempered is a personality trait that can be worked upon. But being both impulsive and angry can be a deadly combination. An impulsive person cannot rein in his actions when he/she is angry, so the run-of-the-mill exercises won't work. A person with this personality trait must work towards changing things from the root. It's a good idea to consult a counsellor. Yoga and vipasana can help. Both of these exercises have the ability of calming your mind. Impulsiveness can be curbed and so can anger.